THE WRONG ROAD (1937)

The early scenes setting up the premise of this American crime drama may remind you of those old “etiquette films” where there is a life lesson to be learned. Appropriately, the music under the introductory titles can best be described as sappy. There is not much to fault here, however, other than the now-dated script by Gordon Rigby, which will sometimes stretch the believability factor. Yet, his main focus is still relevant. I do credit him with an unpredictable script with an ending that is a well-kept secret. There are sly usages of humor as well, making the film an entertaining fifty-three minutes. Competent acting is evident from the outset with no one needing to apologize after the premiere. The film was directed by silent film director and actor, James Cruze, and released by Republic Pictures.

Fresh-faced sweethearts, Richard Cromwell and his girl, Helen Mack, are moping over their dream plans which never panned out after graduation. The eternity of that first summer out of college really stunk. Mack, born into a wealthy family, had dreams of an easy life as a society girl until her father lost everything during her senior year. She cannot bear the thought of doing manual work. Cromwell, expecting a career in a high-paying engineering job, ended up getting fired a few months in. Now in his third year as a disgruntled bank teller, he had also expected a promotion by now. They even go so far as to suggest it is their right to have decent jobs. Sounds like they are on the wrong road to Socialism.

Cromwell’s character, with his wide mood swings, might be diagnosed as bipolar in the future. His plan is to gradually steal one hundred grand as Mack “withdraws” quite a stack each time she comes in. Their blinding love leads to greed. They each agree to never deny the theft because going to prison is the only way his plan will work. Oh...kay. He figures they will be in prison for a year or two, then once out they can retrieve the money hidden in the bottom of an antique music box. Keep in mind, neither are seven-year-olds.

Prior to being arrested, they meet with an insurance detective, Lionel Atwill, who astutely and compassionately explains their predicament. He offers them a pardon if they divulge where they hid the money. He bluntly tells them a sentence of up to ten years with no chance of parole is likely. He further explains the money will be something called "hot." They can never spend it. A fact that, unbelievably, Cromwell ignores throughout the film. Mack’s eye-opener is that they cannot get married for ten years. When the sentence is passed down, she nearly collapses under the weight of stupidity. Cromwell belligerently sticks to his plan, finally getting that dream job as a drill press operator in prison. Never really attentive during “prison orientation days,” he starts passing notes to Mack on the advice of a cellmate, the conniving Horace McMahon (above right). Every inmate soon knows of "loverboy" and it costs him eight weeks of good conduct. Despite his short screen time, McMahon is dandy.

Atwill remains optimistic for the two brats...uh... youngins. Giving them parole will likely lead him to where they hid the money. But the thick-headed Cromwell refuses the offer. He insists they have “earned” the stolen money with their two years in prison. Yes, stupid goes back ions. Thanks to some wise advice from Mack, he has a change of heart and the parolees get sales jobs for a vacuum sweeper business. The manager shows them their sales region with each competitor represented with pins stuck to a wall map. He explains what they are looking at thusly, ‘Every salesman is a pinhead.’ Cromwell also found this amusing.

McMahon is released from prison and sticks to Cromwell like Vitalis hair tonic. The latter continues his idiotic reasoning, ignoring McMahon’s deadly threats. The duo flees with the music box. Be prepared for a ubiquitous studio prop car chase with enough left-and-right steering movement to guide a Mississippi paddle steamer. McMahon puts them in a life-or-death situation and the two inmates struggle for dominance. With a rock on the head, Mack proves her dominance. In a bit of contrived timing, Atwill arrives on the scene. Mack has had it up to you-know-where with Cromwell’s poor planning skills. She finally gets through to the dullard. The film closes as the two deliver the most unlikely dialogue.

Note: Mack’s uncle, where the music box was sent for safekeeping, has died and all his effects are now going to the highest bidder. The collegians race to the auction house but are outbid by Rex Evans. Amusingly, he turns out to be quite the wordsmith. In an attempt to buy back the music box, the couple visits him later at his apartment which is crammed full of items by his unlimited budget. He treats auctions as a sport, like wild game hunting. He has no real use for most of it. In a faint British accent, he excitedly compliments Cromwell on the way he dealt with that “buttinsky” during the auction. He feels absolutely “wonky” with embarrassment for giving the music box to Marjorie Main, a “fabulously ripping old dodo.” His persona, though eccentric, would seem well-reasoned. That might be true until his nurse enters and reminds him of his bedtime. She puts his favorite hat (a flat, feathery item) on his head to which he commands, “Call me Pinky.”