TEEN AGE THUNDER (1957)

This seventy-eight-minute film—with night scenes lit by a 40-watt bulb—is another HOWCO International film specializing in low-budget double feature movies. Lost, Lonely and Vicious was another of their films that I have skewered. That film is so bad, I thought it should have been released as HOWCOME International. Directed, written and produced by guys who knew enough to get things rolling, this particular film is a couple of rungs above on the professional ladder. It is added to a long line of misunderstood hot rod teen films in the attempt to cash in on the original, Rebel Without A Cause, from two years prior. According to the movie's opening narration, hot rod racing is the nation's fastest-growing sport and it is pronounced, "drag-RACING" not today's "DRAG-racing."

The casting budget for this film did not make a dent in production costs. The twenty-seven-year-old Western supporting actor Chuck Courtney plays an eighteen-year-old. His “method acting” captures a lonely, unhappy high school senior. Down the professional scale is the monotonous, singsong delivery of Melinda Byron, Courtney's girl and waitress at the local diner. Doing much better with leading man stature is Robert Fuller, who plays a braggart with an ego larger than his flat-head V-8. He and Courtney have a thing: they hate each other. In real life, Fuller is three years younger than Courtney, too young for a driver's license! Yet the assumption is that he is older, perhaps dropping out of school two years sooner. He does have a letter jacket, but no achievement letters sewn on. Playing a pivotal part is Paul Bryar. With a long career as a supporting player, he is the most genuine actor in this film. As he was often cast, he played a policeman in the aforementioned Dean classic.

Courtney's widowed father is a hard-lined disciplinarian showing little affection for his non-commital son. The boy slouches at the dinner table and wears a T-shirt during supper. It could not possibly get much worse. Well, jail time would figure in. Living under the same roof is the father's sister, who tries to reason with her narrow-minded brother when sparks fly. In the end, the adults teach errant teenagers little about taking responsibility for their actions.

God's gift to hot rodders shifts his charm into high gear for the affections of Miss Byron during a lunch with Courtney. Not liking the company, she persuades Courtney to drive her home in her brother's old car. The subsequent filming nearly suggests Guy Ritchie's hand-held camerawork to create the shaky sensation of speed as Fuller blasts past them. Courtney's attempt to keep up shows the speedometer's needle also blasting from 50 to 80 mph in about two seconds—2025 Corvette ZR-1 territory, buddy!

There is a listing for a job opening at a Mobil gas station owned by Bryar, currently building a hot rod. The high schooler now has a father figure who understands burning rubber off tires and wasting fuel a quarter mile at a time. Later, the even-tempered mechanic gives some valuable advice to Courtney's father on how to be one. With some inner confessions, Dad turns the corner at Reality and Shame. He learns his son got clobbered by Fuller, and Dad wants to teach him how to defend himself. Turns out, 'ol dad was a middle-weight boxing champion in college. Dad's lesson with boxing gloves has him feeling like a champion again. Knocking his son to the grass a few times feels pretty good. A second lesson is not happening.

Fuller challenges the introvert to a drag race for Byron's honor—what to do, what to do?! Courtney lies about his age to a used car salesman, Bing Russell, and lies about just going around the block for a test drive. I am beginning to side with his father. Courtney calls to inform him that he will return the car the next morning. Russell is irate. He had a big date. He is the antithesis of a stereotypical used car salesman and no charges are filed. Ahh...to live in the early twentieth century when common sense overruled suing. The law offices of "Fuller & Courtney" meet with the former, suggesting they drive towards each other at top speed in near cave darkness. Cool. Showing more courage than either driver, Byron intervenes by standing in the middle of the road, causing both idiots to do the “Byron Swerve.” She promptly faints.

Courtney steals the hot rod from the gas station. The Mobil owner planned to drive it in the upcoming drag race in place of his son, afflicted with Polio. Putting wisdom forefront, Bryar has faith the man/boy took the rod to put Fuller in his place. Never mind about zero drag strip experience. It is a no-brainer who beats whom, which is edited as if it were a mile-long track. Full-of-it Fuller falsely accuses his competitor of trying to wreck him, the excuse for losing. Both actors were trained stuntmen, so they pull off a pretty realistic fistfight. Courtney's single boxing lesson pays off as he pictures Fuller as his dad. Pop buys the hot rod for his favorite son and drives it home. To Courtney's delight, Dad gets the speeding ticket instead.

Notes: The title song is performed well by David Houston (1935-1993). The song is also used during the first trip to the Front Page diner, where teens seem to think it is a tune you could possibly dance to. He is credited as the star of RCA Victor records in the fashion of a Frankie Avalon or Bobby Rydell of the period. But Houston's mark was on the country music charts, finding huge success in the 1960s.

Chuck Courtney gained a splash of notoriety initially by playing the visiting nephew of the Lone Ranger for several episodes before this film. With a couple of exceptions, he is best known for his supporting roles in countless Westerns. Another actor getting his start in the Western was popular television leading man Robert Fuller. He gained stardom for television's Laramie, Wagon Train, and Emergency!.

TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE (1959)

Quoting the opening lyrics from the movie theme, Love Story, by Andy Williams, "Where do I begin?" This independent production, infamously known to MST3000 fans, will have your shoulders going up and down from laughter. At the same time, those tears of laughter will turn to pity for the incompetent, unknown cast, which forces me to use their character name in this review. Pinning down who is the funnier in this film depends on how often it is viewed. As if the cast did not want to be remembered or assaulted, almost everyone has an alias in the long opening cast list that would rival the film Spartacus. Its budget would barely allow you to buy a pre-owned sedan today. The money not spent was pretty obviously used on props. Apparently, with some money to burn, Warner Brothers distributed this one, doing a complete one-eighty from their legendary television westerns of the same period. My comments address the edited version of this oddity, clocking in at eighty-five minutes. The full-length version, for no other reason than being forty-four minutes longer, is best left on the editing floor.

All apologies to any junior high drama departments, but that best describes the acting level of this Tom Graeff Production. The opening scene sets the stage for what the viewer is about to experience. Two men in an observatory, the older astronomer of the two with a questionably authentic Van Dike, recites dialogue on his “twenty-third take” after constantly reassuring the director, “I can do that better if you want.” All blame for this film rests on Graeff's shoulders as the director, the producer, the screenwriter, the cinematographer, and the editor. And...he wrote the music, which at one point reminds one of the Leave It To Beaver sitcom. And...he plays the reporter in this debacle. 

Three of the four twenty-something teenagers from space are obviously from the angry red planet, Mars. A disgruntled group if ever there was one. How they traveled so far without killing each other might make a pretty good prequel. Speaking without contractions makes the dialogue feel slightly Shakespearean with a pinch of Amish. One thing is for sure: it accentuates poor acting. Memories of those Italian sword and sandal dubbed movies may come flooding back. The travelers have mythological-type names of Thor, Moreal, Saul, and how he was accepted into this group, Derek (above left, with Thor), the sensitive member of the expedition, holds sanctity for life. 

Thor is one unhappy space teen. No point trying to reason with hate. Out of this hatred for all things unknown, he kills a dog with his “Dollar Tree” plastic ray gun, turning it into a skeleton. This special effect is a good bit of editing and is pretty effective whenever it occurs. Which is often. Derek reads the dog tag and tells the crew there really is intelligent life on this planet, barring the costars. Angrily, Thor growls out, “Of what concern are foreign beings?!” Derek, with all the thespian power he can muster, lethargically replies, “Of none to you, Thor.” The deliberate-speaking Derek manages to escape with the dog tag.

These “adultified” teenage hoodlums have come to release giant

lobsters...er...Gargons to eliminate all Earthlings. Thor is left on Earth to track down Derek and bring him back to their home planet for a trial. Thor’s first experience in an automobile and verbal lesson on how to drive is pretty funny as he keeps repeating angrily, “What’s that for!” Derek shuffles into a nearby town searching for the dog’s owner. The address on the tag is the home of two gracious individuals, Gramps and his granddaughter, Betty. She has the voice capacity of a newborn sparrow and the acting skill of the average seven-year-old. Gramps is a rotund, congenial dolt, clueless and unassuming as they come. He figures the stranger wearing white “tennies” and a one-piece jumpsuit with pant legs tucked into his white socks is part of the military. They happen to have a rental room and assume Derek is interested. In reality, he has no idea what he is doing, nor does he know the concept of “rental.” To say nothing about Earth's currency.

Before long, the sidewalks are littered with skeletons. The police, after a fashion, surmise there might be something afoot here. Thor is perpetually growling out commands to everyone, always threatening to “skeletonize” them if they disobey. The police descend on Thor, and he gets wounded by two Earth bullets. He escapes and hides in the back of Betty’s car. When she and Derek return, Thor demands they get him to ‘...a man of surgery to remove the metal pellets from my flesh. One sudden move and I will slay you both!’ Thou art angry! They take him to a manikin-like medical doctor to remove the bullets. Mister tough teen refuses any anesthesia and gets a surprise when he passes out during the removal of the bullets. Both Derek and Betty escape. There is a reveal about Derek’s lineage with little bearing on the movie, nor does the audience care at this point. 

The plainclothes policemen, still with their plastic revolvers drawn, use them as pointers at the bloodstains on the sidewalk. We never see the police again. After the doctor’s nurse unknowingly gives aid to Thor, he gets behind the wheel of his non-levitating Earth vehicle. Once again in pursuit of Derek, he loses control of the sedan and his first gravity lesson finds him down a mountainside. Off-screen, he is subsequently arrested. The slow-witted Derek cons everyone, interrupting the transfer of Thor at the police station, and they both head back to their special effect “guide ship” logo. Derek makes the ultimate sacrificial decision to save Earth from the Gargons. And Thor.

Note: Finland had a long wait for the film's television release: 2005!